Roaming Fingers – A story about a sexual molestation in childhood

We have all had our "stories" to tell if our life grows up. Some have had fun-loving children where they had a home-grown mother who had home-made cakes ready for them as soon as they left school, cleaned clothes ready for the next day and dinner simmering on the stove. Dads came home, everyone sat at the table and enjoyed the delicious meal that the mother had prepared, and then while the dinner dishes were cleaned, the children could tell their father about their day. Some parents who encouraged them helped them with their homework after dinner and enjoyed spending time with their children before the next day started. You know, one of these "Leave it to Beaver" type of families. Then there were those who were minus a parent for some reason … usually divorce or death. Or what about those living with alcoholics or drug-abused parents who were not "parents" at all? Their children were basically alone on their own, raising themselves, warding themselves and making the most of bad situations.

I do not know why I share this right now. I just feel led to let someone out there know you're not alone! That you can live a normal life. I have been molten by 4 different men between 8 and 14 years old. But the Lord GOD Himself brought me through all this. I have been redeemed and washed clean by the Lord's blood. I no longer have to live in the life of my rape, taking responsibility for me anymore.

I was one of the children who had my own "unique" circumstances when they grew up. My parents divorced when I was 7 because my dad moved out when I was 5. I was the oldest of the three of us. We moved to a small town to live closer to my grandparents, my mother's parents. We moved from the larger city of Denver, CO, to the small town of Julesburg, CO. Only when I was younger I made my lifelong friend with the girl who lived across the street from my grandparent and # 39; s house. This was the summer before our 2nd grade school year. Over time, our life seemed something "normal" to play babies or pretend to be school teachers or to build stomach companies …

But during my life many things happened that made me like I am today . I can not begin to tell you what my life was and do it justice! There are so many more stories I could tell you! For one we moved and lived in 27 different places from the time I became 7-18. I went to 11 schools in 12 years. I think that what moves with us so often, I took the idea that I "better get friends quickly, because we're sure we're moving and I'll leave." I think my sister took the theory that "why bothering friends because we would move anyway." And my brother, being a boy, holding a friend, was not so big a deal, and he made friends quite easily, but it was not as big a problem for him as it was us girls.

When I was 8, my mother began to dance a Japanese farmer in our area that became quickly engaged, with the surname Kinoshita. As you can imagine, 3 of us made the kids quite funny of that name at that time by deliberately pronouncing it, Kin-O-Shit-A. Do not we mean? Well, this is the first time I consider sexually abused. After dinner my mother would go to the kitchen to wash up to his house and the 3 us children and her boyfriend would lie on the floor to watch some tv. Well, her fiancé would use this time to "rub my belly." Now I was 8, so I needed that my tubby rubbed after dinner seemed really strange to me, but I thought, okay, I guess if it's normal? It made me uncomfortable, but my mother said he only tried to be good. Okay, how nice it was … I guess ?? But then the gums swam to "roaming fingers" and climbed slightly higher and slightly higher. Soon my stomach becomes rubbing chest pain. Now you have thought I was barely starting to develop, but still had enough to make me incredibly uncomfortable! My mother had said she really wanted this marriage because he was economically good and so every night that this went on, I tried to keep up with homework so that we did not have to lay on the floor and watch tv, but somehow he coaxed me into it and my mother had told us several times that she did not want this relationship disturbed by us children. So I kept my mouth closed until one day on my way home from school, I let it all out to my friend. She went home and spoke to her mother. I did not know what they were talking about because her parents only spoke Spanish so I did not think much about it. But her mother had heard what was going on, assured me that they were there for me and that it was something I had to talk to my mom right away. So with my friend and her mother both sit there I called my mother and told her what had happened. I do not know much how it was actually said between my mother and her new fiancé, but I know she broke with him. My friend's mother suggested that he turned to the police but my mother said it was pointless to call the police because "he was so rich that he could own the city so nobody would believe in you anyway be his word against yours , "she said. Then life continued as "normal". Okay, normal as usual could be.

Then my mom found a younger guy who could come in the morning and stay with us when she went to work at 6:00 at the truck stop and he left at 6:00 from work at night change there, and would join the three of us children for the day, like our "babysitter". Oh, he was funny, would make us breakfast, take us to the school or the park to play the playground and chase around the house to play wells. But when he first came home to the house every morning instead of climbing into my mother's empty bed to sleep for a while, he would climb into my bed with me. Why? Now there were the "roaming fingers" again. Apart from this time, these fingers went up and then down. I was 9 and he was 21. What did I have at the age that was so enticing anyway? I had not even started physically developing yet for goodness !!! It went at least for weeks. I told my mother, but she thought that since I had been through this with her fiancé, "I must have something I did to encourage these guys." So even though he stopped seeing us, I remembered that he would be dead. I did. I could not help myself. I just wanted him dead so he could never do anything here again! A few months later, while working at the electric company, his partner decided to start drinking some beer at their lunch break. Well, Curtis had climbed the pole to work on a particular wire that caused them problems and was electrocuted. He fell from the bar, and his partner who had drunk was not functional enough to give him a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I knew it was all i did! I had asked and asked him to die and he had. You see, it was my fault … I had wanted it and asked for it. I just knew it was my fault. I owed it for many, many years after that. Someone was dead and it was my fault.

So we had a family friend as we had been friends with him and his wife for years. In fact, we most often loved going over to their house. She was like an adoptive mother to us children and we could convince her husband to come with a doctor with us, read us stories, etc. You should have heard him read one of Dr. Seuss books backwards! It was a rebellion! And it was a heavy twister reading it from front to back, let's read it back to the front! And we used to love to fool him to ask for Big Macs at Burger King! So, of course, we would often go over to their house. Normally, however, I have the big bed with his wife because we always went to bed much earlier than he did, and he slept on the couch when we stayed or in the extra bedroom. His wife would usually send me in to wake him up, as it was time for all of us to get up every morning. That's when the infamous "roaming fingers" would start roaming again. I was between 10 and 12 years for most of this time. But without telling my mother, (remember how she had served the last time, that I may be the one to lure these "men"), there must be something with me and once again I owe.

We have moved over time as we had done many other times before and so did not see them as often as we had before. It was at the beginning of our 8th grade, so I was in a school there in Jr. High, and suddenly we went from CO and led to good ole "IA". My mother had broken up with a trucker guy she was dating, a really nutty guy who used to create lights in a circle in our basement and call on the Mojave Dessert drinks. So we packed up as soon as we got home from school that day, took only our very important possessions (and I mean very few) and our cats and loaded up a small little U-haul trailer and we headed without how specific in mind. My mother suggested IA so we led West. We ended up in Council Bluffs and out of money. So this is where we decided to stay.

Of course, we have changed schools again and we started another school in Council Bluffs while we lived in a single cabin with 2 double beds, a bathroom, a crock pot for the cook in and three cats. We started a school, but they were "poor children" and did not fit well. But again we moved. This time it was a good thing. I started in 9th grade, but at a completely different school. This school was much better, much more acceptable, much less legal and critical, and we were not classified as "low class scum" here.

I was finally 14 at this time. My last year before I got to high school. I was so excited! I finally got up, started to make makeup, fix my hair and thought of the big "B" word … BOYS !!! We lived in a house right near the school so it was within walking distance. My mom worked once more on one of the truck in the vicinity. But the money was tight so my mother bought a truck driver's home to live with us to help pay the bills. Well this guy was 28. My mother worked all night shift at the truck stop, and Terry would be home most nights and on the run for most of the days. Well, Terry took me a good taste right away. Remember, I just turned 14. My sister and I shared a bedroom, my brother had one to our left, and across the hall was Sue's room (a girl / lady in her early 20s from Indiana), a person whom Terry had found hitch walking one day on his way out of town, and brought to our house to stay with us as well. So it was another person to help pay the bills. But to get the bathroom we had to go through a little while and we had to go through Sue's room to get there. Then to the left was the bathroom, and then to the right was Terry's bedroom. Moms room was on the ground floor. Between the bathroom and Terry's bedroom was another door. The door locked from Terry's side of the room, but not from his room to the bathroom. Good at night when Terry thought everyone was sleeping in bed, he would come into my room, and again, the night after night, the infamous "roaming fingers" of another guy would start their journey. He would come in with a condom already ready for what I thought he had hoped for. He would ask me to put on something "sexy". I did not have anything "sexy" because I was 14 years old and "sexy" was not something I was thinking about at the time of my life. Heck, just make my makeup look good in the morning, and curling my hair before school was as "sexy" as it became. His fingers walked places that I did not know existed. I used to pray: "Kindly let him believe I really sleep and go away tonight." Or I pray: "Lord, let my sister wake up for her to get enough noise or something as he walks away and leaves me alone." He never came to the stage where we actually forced full-grown sex on me, but the night after evening we went through this ritual. At night he would go back to his room, and I would cry crying myself to sleep. Last night, I wished my sister would just wake up just this time. But she never thought, or I thought, until many years later when I found out she was afraid to let us know she was awake. I can not blame her for that. I wished I could pretend he left me alone, but that was not the case.

One day Sue had asked me to go for a walk with her to speak. So I did. She began to tell me that Terry would come into her room almost every night and make these "things" to her, ask her to "put on something" sexy "and his" roaming fingers "would also start roaming with her too. Come out … I wasted what he had done with me too. lure guys like this. "My fault again. Well, Sue, knowing how young I was, ended up telling my mother. so much that he could not resist loving me. "" My mother said he should pack up and get out of the house. "We went to my mother's house for a few days as he moved out and because they were a vacation and needed someone to sit and take care of their pets. So we stayed there for 3 nights and 4 days .. to go back to "normal" again Sue and I felt so great peace to have him away. So one day, about a week later, my mother said she should go to the truck because Terry wanted to talk to her about something. Then she left was gone for several hours. When she came back, she said that Terry had convinced her that he really did what he had done "because he loved me" and she said it was a small price to pay when he offered to help pay even more of the bills we had. So she let him move into our house with us. In the first week or two he was very polite, folded out my chairs as we sat down at the table and insisted on driving me to school so he could kiss me every day to "let people know that I was his. "At this point I tried to convince myself, okay, maybe he'd really loved me and that I should be proud and flattered that someone 28 years old wanted me, a 14 year old teen girl.

Well, some went few weeks and things were gone as they were. My mother wanted to go to work all night and Terry would again come back to my room at night with a condom in my hand and his steering fingers would once again start roaming up and down and down. The words he spoke made me sick and every night it was the same, I would sickly cry myself to sleep, because I could no longer deal with this at my age and I would seem to have fun at school and I was looking forward to my high schools, dances, proms, sports events, etc. But instead I would not see a future. One day I had enough and could not take it! I know my mother wanted and needed the money, but I could not pretend I was okay more. You g was not. i would die Yes, really die! If it had not been for the Lord to put a certain girl in school on my way, which I soon became best friends with and my science teacher, whom I will never forget and always be grateful for, I could have finished it there. But God obviously had other plans for me. Just when I thought he'd left me alone, he gave me a friend and a man who was not my teacher alone, but one who really broke me who knew I was going through something terrible at home, who wave Me compassion, extra time, as I just could not concentrate on my tasks, and someone who could make me laugh. I needed it. It brought me hope that ALL men not only wanted me to sex. The older men were not all perverted, and that God had put him in my life as my teacher, right in time.

Today I have been forgiven my blood of the Lamb, Lord Jesus Himself, of God's grace, forgiveness and compassion. The person who died on it crossed many many years ago, so I can have eternal life. The one who dropped me out of the darkness and got into the light. The one who took away all my pain and distrust in men. I thank God that although I had to suffer through these terrible times, I learned that it was not my fault that one guy had been electrolysed and died. That none of the things that these four men did for me as a child was my fault.

To this day my mother still says: "If these things really happened to Kelly, I think I should have protected her more." If these things have happened? IF?!?! There is no doubt that they happened to me! My sister once told her that she knows it's a fact, for most times she was in the same bed with me as we almost shared a bedroom while they were growing up. I no longer expect my mother ever to take any responsibility for what I went through. I know now. I know that I will forgive her so that Christ may forgive me for my sins. But it is really and only by the grace of God that I am still here today. It is my prayer that perhaps only this testimony will help someone else who has been through something similar or worse that there is hope in Jesus Christ. You are not alone. It's not your fault. Give it to him, because his shoulders are strong enough to take it away from you and let you go free in his love.

* The names of people have been changed to protect the others involved.

Source by Kelly Benedict